I'm by no means the first to point this
out, but the 16 year old X-Men saga is a bit weird. I mean, some of
its good, some of its terrible. Its technically Marvel, but its not
proper Marvel. Some of its really important to the genre, but
also a lot has been made obsolete by the MCU and Christopher Nolan.
There's some good drama and big issues, but the drama can often
misfire, its often reliant on Magneto being the villain in some way,
and the adaptations aren't always that close. Multiple mutants get
crammed in, often only because of their powers, with their
personalities and back stories ignored. Comic accuracy is not
something they really do, but they've been getting better lately. And
there's this kind of period drama, nostalgia for its own early
instalments, type thing going on. Before it was near future sci-fi,
now its more alternate history via continuity ruining time travel and
soft reboots. Its probably best described as mediocre, and contract
driven. Fox has to keep making these periodically, lest the rights
default to their original owner, a competitor, and the X-Men are
popular enough to keep the films profitable. Merit isn't a factor in
the process any more. That said, Days Of Future Past worked better
than it should have, and Deadpool is a highlight of 2016(1). Where
does Apocalypse sit? Well, its a film in the mediocre category.
There's a few strengths, some really head-scratching problems, but a
lot of it just ends up being so dull my reaction is of apathy. At least until I started writing this.
To
demonstrate my point, let me describe Magneto's big scene in this
film. He's married and has had a daughter in the otherwise
inexplicable decade since the last film. He's in hiding, but happy.
We know what happens next. The creative types behind this film aren't
gonna let him be happy. Even with the timeline being thoroughly
messed up, Magneto, AKA Erik Lehnsherr, has to be the mutant
terrorist. So, these characters are going to be sacrificed in the
name of drama. So, Magneto accidentally reveals himself at the steel mill
where he works, saving a man's life via magnetism. Why Magneto chose
to work at a place where he could so easily use his powers by
accident is unclear, maybe he wanted weapons to hand, but it was the
noble thing to do. The Police come for him, and show enough genre
awareness to leave the metal things at home, and he agrees to go
quietly. Unfortunately, his daughter manifests her own mutant powers,
and in the confusion, daughter and wife die. Fassbender acts his arse
off, completely selling the anguish of a man whom has seen those he
cares about murdered in front of him once again. He then slaughters
the policemen with the only metal nearby, the locket containing a
picture of his parents. It almost works, the scene, but then two
realisations hit. The first is that you scarcely remember anything
about Magneto's family, not even their names in my case. The second
thing is that, somehow, a metal-free arrow fired by accident from a
short bow killed two people. Instantly, with hardly a sound or
blood.
Not to trivialise the death of a mother and child, but that's a Hawkeye/Arrow level of skill there.
And this is it right, pretty much the whole damn movie. I should care for the characters, or I should be angry they messed it up, but I don't. Its got some heavy weight stuff, or something potentially awesome, but then something happens to negate the effect, and its really noticeable in the second half. To continue on with Magneto, there's a scene where Apocalypse tries to recruit him. The pitch? To take him to Auschwitz, the Nazi death camp of reality, and the place where Magneto's parents died. Horrific stuff, which needs handling with care. Here Apocalypse seeks to convince the grieving mutant of the need to wipe the world clean, encouraging Magneto to rip the foundations out, while boosting his abilities. Throughout all this, all of it, the Horsemen loiter in their costumes like lost LARPers, and Psylocke in particular probably showing far too much skin for the occasion(2). The contrast between the characters, in their silly clothes, and what the scene is about is too sharp. Apocalypse himself has been ice for millennia, he's got a good excuse for any social faux pas, but his horsemen should know better. Were black cloaks not available? Did they not mention it to him? Did nobody think of this? Its a little tone deaf, isn't it?
Not to trivialise the death of a mother and child, but that's a Hawkeye/Arrow level of skill there.
And this is it right, pretty much the whole damn movie. I should care for the characters, or I should be angry they messed it up, but I don't. Its got some heavy weight stuff, or something potentially awesome, but then something happens to negate the effect, and its really noticeable in the second half. To continue on with Magneto, there's a scene where Apocalypse tries to recruit him. The pitch? To take him to Auschwitz, the Nazi death camp of reality, and the place where Magneto's parents died. Horrific stuff, which needs handling with care. Here Apocalypse seeks to convince the grieving mutant of the need to wipe the world clean, encouraging Magneto to rip the foundations out, while boosting his abilities. Throughout all this, all of it, the Horsemen loiter in their costumes like lost LARPers, and Psylocke in particular probably showing far too much skin for the occasion(2). The contrast between the characters, in their silly clothes, and what the scene is about is too sharp. Apocalypse himself has been ice for millennia, he's got a good excuse for any social faux pas, but his horsemen should know better. Were black cloaks not available? Did they not mention it to him? Did nobody think of this? Its a little tone deaf, isn't it?
Tone deaf isn't a bad way to describe the flaws here, especially when logic in
general starts to fail. There's a scene where Professor X touches
Apocalypse's mind and gets "hacked", Apocalypse using the
link to launch every nuclear missile from its silo. Its an honestly
tense moment, this dude is called Apocalypse, and he seems to
have lived up to his name a whole act early. But then you realise not
only is he firing them into space, completely against his objective,
and they choose this point to do the Stan Lee cameo. Apocalypse instead
uses Magneto to rip the metal from all the world, an act less
radioactive, but no less destructive given that most of it came out
of buildings. Erik easily killed millions, possibly hundreds of
millions. Does anyone discuss this? No. His punishment? Nothing. He
comes to his senses, fights Apocalypse, and gets credited as the hero
of the hour. Insert your own comparison to Civil War and/or Batman V Superman here. I see what they are aiming for, but in ignoring these consequences, any deeper meaning of the film is diminished.
Also, given the
plot of the last film, shouldn't the Sentinel Program be approved
after all this? I mean, the world's nuclear arsenal got fired into space. Just a thought.
The film also suffers from the "Wolverine Detour", a chunk of the film that adds nothing to the plot bar fan service and a plot hole. Basically, the protagonists get captured by Colonel/Major Stryker, whom has been experimenting on Wolverine. They let Logan out, he kills a bunch of people, runs into the woods, and then the plot continues. This could have been excised completely from the film, and you would have lost nothing. In fact, it actually makes the post-credit scene less interesting as it spoils the surprise. Yes, you could argue Spider-Man was unnecessary in Civil War, but at least he didn't bring a continuity error. You see, Stryker didn't take Wolverine at the end of the last film, Mystique disguised as Stryker did. So what happened there? Wasn't it implied she had plans for him? Is this not a mistake? Mystique in this film seems to be written to reflect Jennifer Lawrence's role as Katniss from the Hunger Games and an Oscar winner. She's intended to be inspirational and heroic, but not the manipulator and assassin she should be. Her part in things could have been easily filled by any other character, and she's hardly ever blue, seemingly forgetting her mutant pride. Of course, having her be involved with the highly unethical Weapon X program would have greatly undermined her position as a Che Guevara, so I assume some form of studio politics and/or basic incompetence at play. Clearly, they hoped this would go unnoticed, or hand-waved it as being a decade later, but we know why the scene is here. Its to add to ticket sales by added Logan to the mix, not because the story needs it.
The film also suffers from the "Wolverine Detour", a chunk of the film that adds nothing to the plot bar fan service and a plot hole. Basically, the protagonists get captured by Colonel/Major Stryker, whom has been experimenting on Wolverine. They let Logan out, he kills a bunch of people, runs into the woods, and then the plot continues. This could have been excised completely from the film, and you would have lost nothing. In fact, it actually makes the post-credit scene less interesting as it spoils the surprise. Yes, you could argue Spider-Man was unnecessary in Civil War, but at least he didn't bring a continuity error. You see, Stryker didn't take Wolverine at the end of the last film, Mystique disguised as Stryker did. So what happened there? Wasn't it implied she had plans for him? Is this not a mistake? Mystique in this film seems to be written to reflect Jennifer Lawrence's role as Katniss from the Hunger Games and an Oscar winner. She's intended to be inspirational and heroic, but not the manipulator and assassin she should be. Her part in things could have been easily filled by any other character, and she's hardly ever blue, seemingly forgetting her mutant pride. Of course, having her be involved with the highly unethical Weapon X program would have greatly undermined her position as a Che Guevara, so I assume some form of studio politics and/or basic incompetence at play. Clearly, they hoped this would go unnoticed, or hand-waved it as being a decade later, but we know why the scene is here. Its to add to ticket sales by added Logan to the mix, not because the story needs it.
The young X-Men? Erm, OK, I guess. They do pass muster as teenage versions of those
characters depicted in the first two Singer films. If you consider
those depictions to good ones, this is a plus, but the film is a bit
bloated, and not all characters really get due screentime or have a
memorable moment. We also have to ask if their inclusion has more to
do with nostalgia and a vague attempt to maintain continuity, rather
than them having something notably important to do? Cyclops comes off
well, but Jean Grey is back to set up the Dark Phoenix Saga again. I
seriously hope that this is not the case, and that this is just
another example of misused plot elements form the comics, because the
films are samey enough without them trying to remake their worst
instalment. Either go to space, or go back to the drawing
board. Apocalypse himself? Nothing to him, but you'll excuse me if I bring this to a close.....
The Verdict
I should be listing some positives here, I know, but I' don't remember many. At best, its acceptable. At worst its kind of dumb, and borderline offensive if you like the actual X-Men comics. But mostly, its just there. Its not even bad enough for too hate. Seriously folks, its barely worth seeing once, let alone twice. Go watch the 90's cartoon again, I'm sure it on Netflix or similar.
The Verdict
I should be listing some positives here, I know, but I' don't remember many. At best, its acceptable. At worst its kind of dumb, and borderline offensive if you like the actual X-Men comics. But mostly, its just there. Its not even bad enough for too hate. Seriously folks, its barely worth seeing once, let alone twice. Go watch the 90's cartoon again, I'm sure it on Netflix or similar.
Images copyright of Fox, used under fair use provisions.
Foot notes
- A review of that follows shortly.
- Aside from being hired muscle, all Psylocke really does is walk around in comic accurate fetish outfit. A missed opportunity.
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